Should I break up with my ungrateful boyfriend?
Should I break up with my ungrateful boyfriend?
My boyfriend and I have been dating for about a year and a half. We have been living together for a little less than a year. When we first got together he was so wonderful, sweet, and caring. He would always go out of his way to make me happy:
He surprised me with a homemade sushi dinner,
He left me loving notes in my suitcase when I was out of town,
He fixed our house up while I was out of town,
He took me on a trip to Mexico and asked me for no money,
He has bought me some really nice jewelry,
He planned a beautiful date for last years Valentines Day,
and so much more.
He has two children and an ex that I have accepted and handled very well through out our relationship. Not to mention his monster of a mother I've had to deal with this whole time too. However, I get no credit, recognition, or thanks when I go out of my way to do things for him and his children. I read them a bed time story every night, go to all their football/baseball PRACTICES and GAMES, go to all their performances, plan birthday parties, clean their rooms, plan and do arts and crafts with them, pick them up and drop them of at school (when needed), take days off to take them to parks and museums, and SO MUCH MORE!
But at the end of the day, my boyfriend has nothing to say to me. No thanks, not even an acknowledgement that I did all those things for his family. He justifies his behavior by saying, "I expect you to do that, and I shouldn't have to thank you for it."
I'm only 20 years old and I have sacrificed everything I enjoy in my life for him and his boys. I never get to do anything I like because I?m constantly tending to their needs. I feel like I?ll never get to do any of the things I wanted to do in my life. I?m just too busy with everything, I even cook the majority of their meals and no one else helps out with cleaning. I even did the majority of the yard work this summer!
To make matters worse, we live 40 minutes away from my home town so I rarely get to see my family or friends. I'm not allowed to go out to any clubs or parties by myself and if I were to spend the night at one of my friend's house he would be enraged.
Plus he has done a lot of really jacked up things in the past:
He left me downtown at a baseball game with no way to get home after a fight,
He attempted to leave me for his ex after we were dating for a few months,
He has never hurt me or punched me but he has gotten physical with me in the past (pushed me across the living room),
He splashed his drink in my face and left my in a club at 4:00am in Mexico (all by myself) because "it was the only time we were going to be in Mexico and I didn't want to dance on the pole on the stage."
He jumped out of my car just a few weeks ago over some stupid fight
And just this morning he stormed out of the house flipping me off and calling a bitch in front of his children because I didn't want to go work on his rental property with him. (We?re in Colorado and there?s a huge snow storm, and the heat is off in the condo).
And that?s just the beginning of it. Things like this happen on a daily basis.
I love him so much and I really want to stay with him but he just doesn't make me happy anymore. I love his children and I don't want to leave them or hurt them. I guess I?m just sticking with him in hopes that the man I fell in love with will come back.
Somebody help!
Answers:
.: yes he's a jerk
2009-10-29 09:20:07
Mr. Truth: and the crowd chants "JERRY! JERRY! JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!"
2009-10-29 09:20:48
Crayola: yes i think you shoud.
he sounds like a jerk.
you deserve better !
2009-10-29 09:23:50
Chosen Answer
sweet_Scarlet: ah, he sounded lovely, at first but just think of it like this, his children will always be there and i know you've accepted it but remember his children will ALWAYS come before you, your so young to be dealing with all this like your a housewife,i would suggest you talk to him and tell him how you feel, if what he says is better and things change then give it another go, if however things continue not to work out then i would leave him, youre young, you should be doing things with your life not looking after your boyfriends kids 24/7,
2009-10-29 09:25:35
Linda: u should leave him i would after he did all of that stuff. if he isnt grateful then u should just leave and its not fair he gets to do the stuff he wants but you cant do the stuff you want to. they are not even ur real kids he should be taking better and more care of them than you!
2009-10-29 09:25:46
Hilary: If he's already been abusive and making no effort to change, then he won't. Things will only get worse. In the long run, you will be safer and happier if you leave.
2009-10-29 09:30:07
lau_rene: give yourself some time to enjoy your life. take some vacation (all by yourself) for a week or two. then at that time don't think of anything as in all you have to do at that time is to relax. then ask for help and signs from God, (he will not answer your prayers directly but he will guide you its .,up to you if you really trust and have faith in him)
during your vacation, observe if your boyfriend sends you a message telling you how he misses you a lot and tells you that how sorry he was and how stupid he was to not realize how important you are in his life..but if he don't..... or he won't do that...
then leave him, you deserve someone better who will appreciate your love for him, not somebody who can't even say the magic words (THANK YOU).... regarding the kids, i think they will not be happy to grow up in an unhealthy relationship. it would be better to let them understand why you have to leave their father (in a good way) and also, don't stop your communication with them.. i do believe you already love them like your own children... ^_^
so, i know my advice is a little bit of (i don't know) sorry, i'm just 16 and really doesn't have that "much" experience... hope it helps. even a little..^_^
God bless you!
2009-10-29 09:38:53
Starr: I would not put up with that. He should not talk to you like that in front the kids, cause that may cause the kids to start treating you the same way. If he really loves you you should be able to sit down and tell him how you are feeling. You should be able to go and hang with your friends. I would make him realize what he is gonna be missing out on, go stay with a friend, parents and see how he reacts. If he does not seem to care then you should no what to do. Men do think that the woman should do everything around the house. That is what I do I love taking care of my man and the kids like that. You do what is gonna make you happy not him. I you are not happy and don't take yourself for real then nobody else can. Good Luck! You need to be a 20 year old and take this time to have fun before you get all domesticated.
2009-10-29 09:40:27
Wilma F: I'm sorry but the man you fell in love with is gone forever. He pulled a classic bait and switch on you. He did what he had to do to sweep you off of your feet and win you and now that he has you, he's showing you who he really is.
the pushing and shoving and drink tossing are your early warning signs of what is to come.
you're only 20, you feel like you've sacrificed a lot to be with him and feel like you're missing out on your life. Those are reasons enough to end things and move on.
The kids aren't your responsibility. he's the one who screwed up and introduced you and moved you in before you two really knew each other well so any pain his kids feel about you leaving is his fault.
in the future, may I recommend that you avoid meeting your date's kids until you have known him a good while. When kids meet everyone their parents date then they never know when they are meeting someone special. they also will react one of two ways--they'll get over connected to you too soon and be hurt when you leave or they'll remain distant from you.
also, when there are kids involved (his and someone else's).....I don't recommend you live together until you're engaged and have a date for the wedding--again to avoid the kids getting too attached in case things don't pan out for you.
and even w/o kids: beware of men who take you on a whirlwind romance. Don't get me wrong, they are wonderful and great fun but in my experience, the guy who tries to sweep you off your feet and push for a quick involvement is the guy who is selling you a false bill of goods and is trying to snare you before you discover he's not all that and move on.
and BTW: if you decide that you don't want to be involved w/ someone who has kids, then that is fine too. It takes a lot of self sacrifice on your part to take on someone else's kids. You have to treat them just like they were your own and you have to be willing to sacrifice your wants for their needs. Also you have to understand that until she dies, the ex is a permanent part of your life forever and ever. and if you aren't up for those challenges or you aren't prepared for that lifestyle then no matter how much you love the person you're with, you aren't going to be happy in that relationship.
Good Luck
2009-10-29 09:44:05